Jessica Sue.

I spent the day wondering if I would ever see your face again. If I did however would the way you look at me change? Would hurt be pouring out of your pores like rain falling from the sky? The day I left replays over and over in my head. Constant wonder of what could have, or would have, been pulls at my heart strings daily. The consistent need to hold your hand, touch your skin just one more time makes me want to cry my eyes out until they dry up like Death Valley. My friends tell me you are doing great and to not worry. “It’s not like you guys were dating anyways.” Is constantly reiterated to me like a broken record player squealing the worst noise in the whole world. Truth is, they are right. It’s not like we were dating anyways. I left to live the life God meant for me, or at least I feel like this is what He wanted. What do I want? Well as selfish as it sounds. I want to hear your voice again. I remember being told a few weeks before I left by a friend how you didn’t feel we would even last if we tried being more than friends and even then you didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I didn’t say goodbye to you because of that statement. My heart yearns for you. Or is it just the idea of a relationship with a man like you? I guess we will never know. Miles separate us now with neither rushing to communicate with the other. So now I start the painful process of forgetting you and how you make me feel. I lay in bed with emotions running over me like crashing waves and try my hardest to fathom what forgetting you is going to feel like. Dear Heart, meet the break you are such good friends with.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Jessica (me). Happy birthday to you.

Guess sometimes you have to sing it to yourself.